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The Art of the Backhand Bitchslap
We, The Long Island Pimp Society, are the masters in
the art of
beating our bitches. Bitchbeatings may occur for many reasons. while it
is not mandated to beat your ho's (allthough what kinda pimp brings his
bitches flowers and corndogs?) I suggest using a certian method for
this. The greatest power we yield over dumb ho's the the Allmighty
Backhand Bitchslap. Some may ask, "But why Rev.? Can't I just use the
ever popular 'openhandedslapindamouf'." Pimps have evolved, and
during that evolution we have discovered many great things. We can look
to out cave man ancestors, who when sexually aroused, simply clubbed da
ho, and dragged her sorry punk ass back ta da cave. While the idea may
sound appealing, obviously we cannot do this today. I mean really, we'd
have no free hands considering one holds the cane AND carry a club. To
much carryin' shit.
Look to more recent history. In England, whenever ho's got outta
line, Big Pimp King Henry VIII had there head taken off, hanged, etc.
Even ten or twenty years ago, the "openhandedslapindamouf" was
highly used. Ho's got clocked by a slap right across the mouth, and it
was enough to keep them quiet.
I AM SORRY MY FELLOW PIMPS, BUT THESE
METHODS DO NOT WORK ANY
LONGER !!!
Think now, the king of ho's that are out there today. Some even
think they are so phat they don't even need no pimps!!! This has to
stop. This is why the Allmighty Backhand Bitchslap must be unleashed.
This is our kryptonite to supaho's, our lye to pesky rats, our great
works of English literature to dumbass niggas**. Think of the big ass
ho's on the Ricki Lake show, ones always going "Talk to da hand!" and
shit like that. These 300+ lb. women. The ones that been slapped sooooo
many times their only reaction is to turn around, look you dead in yo
eye an' say, "Nigga, who the fuck you think you be hittin'?" You hit
this women wit a slap,
BOTTOM LINE, SHE WILL KNOCK YOU DA FUCK OUT!
Now, my brothers an' sistas, here is where the Allmight Backhand
Bitchslap would lend great aid to the situation. Take the same ho, the
one who tried to take some xtra cash cuz her momma's sick or some shit.
Now you wanna hit 'er, hell, you DESERVE to hit er' (but don't want her
to look you in da eye and wake up in a hospital.) You give her the
Backhand. Take the physics involved. Forehand: Her face gets turned
aside and then **BAM** "Paging Dr. Davis. Dr. Davis to the emergency
room please."
Now the Backhand: If you hit her just right, the trajectory will
knock her directly to your side (depending on which hand you use, left
or right.) Her eye swells up immediatly and she falls rigt tha fuck
down. Automatic humbling. Upcomes the $50 she took and you are on your
way. She know betta now. Plus the power you get from the backhand is 1 +
n to the Slap squared (n being the amount of slaps needed, but really
you shouldn't to hit her more than once.) Plus, even if you hit her when
she is to close, she may get an elbow in da kisser (and we all nkow the
power of the Dropped Elbow.)
I leave you with this, my fellow pimps. Look at the two possible
outcomes. Forehand: KO'ed, down $50, and the respect of your other ho's
is gone. Backhand: Humbling, yo funds bak in yo pocket, and the fear of
yo otha ho's be restored.
-T.R.B.L.
"It is in the beating of bitches, that we are one."
-The Reverend Bootsie Lovejoy
**"Dumbass niggas" does not refer to any one ethnic group. Anyone, any
race, who is dumber than the bricks that make up my house, deserves to
be caled a dumbass nigga.
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